I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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