Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
