I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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