Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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