I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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