My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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