Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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