you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
