wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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