Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
