Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
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If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
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I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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