Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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