He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sorry about my life...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
