A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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