He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
