my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
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In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
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Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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