My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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