Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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