If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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