What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
