69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
