He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
