More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
