No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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