Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
