I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
