I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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