I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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