Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
