Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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