Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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