I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize