you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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