my mouth tastes like poor choices
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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