the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
