I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
