i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
