Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
