I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
