check it out our google latitudes are spooning
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
