Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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