Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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