At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
