Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't want my vagina anymore.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
