I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
