One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
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We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
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Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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