It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
