If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
even my farts smell like vagina
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
