Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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