So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Randomize
