Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
