We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
