overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
