and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
