Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
