some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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