Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
